I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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