Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
