I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
