i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
