Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
