Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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