I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
