i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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