my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
