I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
