listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize