Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
