that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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