I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
