i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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