Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
