Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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