just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
