Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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