apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
