Yo dont text me then not text me
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
