Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
