...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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