I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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