FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
