i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
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I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
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Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.