when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?