fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.