Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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