My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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