That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
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Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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