I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
