at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
