Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dicks are not precious.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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