So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
