You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
