Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
false alarm, still single
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
