My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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