His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
