I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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