This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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