video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
