Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize