with your own penis?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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