saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
