you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You're like the curious george of whores
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Randomize
