I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
