can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
