weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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