I got chris browned last night
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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