Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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