she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
