He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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