After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
