please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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