just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
