I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
its not stalking. its research.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Quick, to the slutcave!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
