Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
