i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
