All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
