is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
