***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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