Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!