I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems