Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
