If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
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Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.