it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.