thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is