Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.