so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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