Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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