I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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