Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
