DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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