Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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