How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
