Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
