why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
