of course. lets lasso hookers.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
