and next time when you feel me up, do it right
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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